Welcome to my brand new blog.
A little but about me.
I am in my mid twenties and, as the title of the blog suggests, I am desperate for a baby. I physically feel a pull in my stomach when I see a pregnant woman or a new baby. I'm better when it is my friends, but still wish I could be a mum. And I know it's not all wonderful. I know babies cry and poop and don't let you sleep and that they are a hell of a lot of work. But, you know, I am completely ready for that. I want that.
So, the physical pull in my stomach, well, that's going to be a problem as next week, I am starting an eighteen month midwifery course. So I will spend 37.5 hours per week surrounded by pregnant women and brand new babies. Plus study time, looking at pregnancy.
The big problem with the whole pregnancy issue is that I am single.
I would love to do this thing the traditional way. I would love to be married to a man I love before thinking about babies. But I can't. I just feel like I'm getting nowhere on the man front. There have been a few men, but no one serious. And I don't feel as though I have ever been in love.
I know I'm only young (even though there has been on reference from someone I know about the biological clock!), but I wanted to complete my family by my late twenties. And, as this rate, I am definitely not on track to do that.
So, having weighed up all my options, I have decided to go down the route of artificial insemination. In the UK, it is very expensive; we are talking thousands of pounds. I am not sure that I can afford that per cycle to try and get pregnant. There is also the fact that there is now no anonymity. How does that work? Does the child receive a letter on their eighteenth birthday? What if there has never been the opportunity to discuss it?
In Denmark, there are still anonymous donations. It is also cheaper to fly to Denmark and arrange self insemination than it is to receive artificial insemination here.
Obviously, this route involves a lot more reliance on a normal and semi-predictable menstrual cycle than artificial insemination in a clinic here, where drugs are used to induce a cycle or increase egg numbers, or the sperm is inserted in to the uterus or IVF. This is where the problem lies.
For 13 years, I have suffered from very irregular menstrual cycles. We are talking anything from the standard 28 days to 12 months. I am almost certain that this is due to the fact that I am overweight. And so, before I consider booking my plane ticket to Denmark, I need to lose some weight.
A couple of years ago, I lost about 7lb. It's not a lot, really; I think I would like to lose about 5 stone, but, it improved my menstruation a lot. I actually started having periods monthly-ish. So, I hope to use this blog, not only on my (hopefully successful) journey towards motherhood, but to document my weight loss success.
I know my one downfall; I just love chocolate. I know I can cut it out; when I was saving up for my house, I stopped my visits to the corner shop on my way home from work (when I am normally absolutely starving, usually having not had a break) and where I would usually buy a sandwich/wrap and some chocolate. Also, I frequently eat junk at work because I know that I probably won't have another (unpaid) break and so won't get anything more to eat, so purposefully choose something calorific.
I also think I need to up my exercise. I used to do quite a lot of exercise; I did Reebok (probably spelt wrong) aerobics every night, which was fab. I used to swim a lot, walk a lot and play a lot of netball. And then I went to uni the first time, did nursing (37.5 hours uni time per week) and study and had a part time job and volunteered and just didn't have time for anything. I would like to take some form of sport up again, maybe the aerobics again, or maybe just start off swimming.
As well as helping me lose weight, it would help me get fitter, which is obviously beneficial in pregnancy and child birth.
I was planning on going to Denmark in the spring, giving me the next six months or so to lose the weight. However, as I mentioned above, I am back off to uni next week. I am completing an 18 month midwifery degree. It is salaried, with a contract at the NHS Trust, and so money won't be a huge issue (it's still a reduction in pay and I do still have a mortgage and bills to pay) but I presume I will have the same legal rights as someone employed in a regular job. I am just not sure, though, when the best time would be to start trying to get pregnant. If it were to happen during my course, then that would mean rubbish maternity pay. If, however, I wait until towards the end of my course, it would make finding a job potentially that much more difficult. Alternatively, I could wait until I had been employed as a midwife for a few months before I consider flying to Denmark.
I have a lot to think about over the next few months, and would be grateful for any support or advice along the way.
Kaitlyn
